Crossing the bridge that I’ve come to

I’m pissed.  My fierce-ness is flying freely right now and it’s a good time for everyone to give me a wide, wide birth.  I’m responsible for my own happiness, and yep, my own anger too.  Truth is, I’m actually really deep down very, very sad, and mad at myself for creating this situation I’m in.

The past week has been emotional and exhausting.  During this time I have:

– Spent countless hours packing, moving, re-arranging, clearing space and purging things from my home (with wonderful help from my Mom, and my nieces who are visiting from Spain) to get the place ready for the 8/2 arrival of my life partner and her worldly belongings as she and I are taking the leap to live together.

– Worked 50+ hours to complete a new textile painting.

– and done my regular full-time day job.

So many great things are going on right now:

– I’m so appreciative of  my wonderful relationship and I’m happy that we’re now living together (well, the place is a mess right now with boxes everywhere and I’ve been used to living alone for a long time, so it’s going to take some getting used to, but I love it and I’m all in on it!)

– I’m very appreciative of my loving family.  This is my favorite “family” time of year with my nieces and brother all visiting from Spain and the one time of the year that we have all our family together in one spot.  It’s especially special this year with my new life partner moving in as we begin our new family together.

– I’ve been getting lots of new art completed and I’m appreciative that I’ve had work accepted into several shows this year.  My Wall Drawing textile painting (below) will be at the Rocky Mountain Quilt Museum “Evolutions 2010” Show, opening this Friday, 8/6, from 4-7pm in Golden, CO.

Wall Drawing (36" x 44") cotton fabric, cotton thread, c 2010 Ayn Hanna

So, why am I sad?  And what’s the bridge I’m crossing?

A few months ago I entered this Wall Drawing textile painting in both the Rocky Mountain Quilt Museum Show, and a juried Drawing Show happening this fall here in Fort Collins at CSU.  Because of the timing of the entry due dates and notifications of juror’s selections, there was a slight overlap, such that I had to send in an entry for one show before finding out about acceptance to the other show.  At first, I paused and considered not entering the second show, but then decided, well, if it gets accepted at both shows, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.  Besides, what a great problem that would be to have, right?

Well, I’m there.  And it’s really not such a great problem to have.  The textile painting is already hanging at the RMQM through Oct 30th.  The CSU Show opens Oct 6th.

After receiving the acceptance notice from the CSU show, I went back to the organizer of the show and explained my situation and offered an alternative piece to the one accepted (a very similar work in size, look and feel, from the same Wall Drawing series of textile paintings).  But the organizer has declined to even make this offer known to the jurors, since they already completed their jurying last month.  This is where my fierceness begins to flare, because I’m a possibility person, and I tend to see rules not as rigid boundaries, but instead as general guidelines.

And that’s why I’m sad – not so much because I now won’t have a piece in this local show (there are lots of other shows), but more so because this show is all about “Drawing in the Expanded Field” and drawing is such an integral part of my work and my piece was going to be the only textile piece in the show.  So now there will be no representation of the textile medium in this show at all.  That, and my partner who is also an artist, also has had her work accepted in this show, so I was excited for us both to be in a local national juried show together – what a great way to start our new life together!

But, alas, it is not to be.  I’ve taken my best shot at resolving the situation, done all I can do at this point.  I’ve marched across the bridge and offered a creative solution.  But I’ve been met on the other side with a brick wall.  So, I’m sad, but I’m moving on.  Just through the course of writing this blog post, my sadness has dissipated and my fierce-ness is energizing me to get up and get going again!

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2 Responses to “Crossing the bridge that I’ve come to”

  1. Ayn Hanna Says:

    Thanks very much Sue! And yes, I find I really am able to move on once I’ve fully expressed my true feelings. Fiddle dee dee, today is a whole new day! 🙂

  2. Sue Bates Says:

    wow, Ayn, thanks for sharing. And I am glad to see your honest feelings, sometimes things do suck:) And I know you will get to the other side of it. LOVE your work.

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